Why a blog? And why now?

This is something a lot of you are probably wondering…

I mean, part of it is probably obvious. I am growing on social media. So a blog goes hand in hand, does it not?

Well, some of the time, it does.

I know lots of social media creators and influencers who do not blog.

But, their preference in sharing deeper, more personal content, as well as monetizing another stream, might be in the form of podcasting or videos on youtube.

I do not have the time or the equipment and patience for either of those things. Plus, I love to write. So, blogging it is!

I tried to start a blog a few years ago, actually. Although I don’t even remember the name of it, or the site, if I were to even try to find it now haha. But I did not keep up with it, because at the time, I was working full time, and at the end of my working day in front of my computer, the last thing I wanted to do was type in my free time.

So, it slowly died off.

I have always enjoyed writing.

When I was young, I always had a diary, and my favourite subject in school was always English/writing. I enjoyed writing short stories, poetry, and even research essays. I literally would write essays for fun when I was a kid… my mom always took us to the library and we always had loads of national geographics in the house 😂

So, it is kind of weird that when I went to university, I chose business and accounting, which uses a completely different part of your brain.

I think I enjoyed using that part of my brain because it was an outlet for my hyper-focused, perfectionist, obsessive side – there are no errors in accounting. What is wrong is wrong. There is only one right answer. And I loved investigating variances and working deeper and deeper into a problem until I came out with the answer.

What did I do for work, exactly?

In 2017 I graduated university with a diploma in Business Administration with an accounting specialty. I was on my way to my Bachelor’s degree, but I had one year to go, and I actually can’t quite remember why I decided to stop, but I decided just to graduate with what I had and take a diploma. It was probably because I had started my first administration job already, and was ready to just be working and no longer in school.

My first job out of college was an administrative assistant. I will never forget going to work on the first day, and my boss asked me to send a fax – and I gave him this blank stare – and he was like “….. Do you not know how to send a fax?” It was a humbling moment for sure and made me realize I had a lot to learn still!

I worked at that company for 1.5 years and made it through several promotions and pay raises – leaving my position in 2018 as an executive assistant. I really did love that job, and I was incredibly sad to leave, as I felt like I had grown so much as a person and in my field in so little time. It made me believe success as a woman in business, especially a young woman, was possible!

In 2018, Nathan and I decided to move to the Island. There, I landed a position as a strata management assistant. This was quite different than my old position, but actually involved more specialized roles in accounting and budgeting. I worked in this position for four years.

After my maternity leave with Oden, I was so eager to go back to work. But I found that this was not such a great fit for me after I had a baby. The nature of the business did not allow for much flexibility – which is what I needed, with a young son in daycare. So I decided to move on from that position.

In 2022, I accepted a position with a local ministry unit of one of the largest non-profits in the world. It was an amazing opportunity and I was so thankful for it! Here my role expanded again, into office management, budgeting, accounting, finance, and even human resources. It was the perfect amount of challenging. It was a dynamic work environment, and I had colleagues from all the local locations that I got to work with. Every day was different. I was thriving!

However, I realized that working with a young son was not where I was meant to be. My husband and I were both working out of the home 8 plus hours a day, and our life had no balance. We were so unhappy. Our son was unhappy.

Later that year, got pregnant unexpectedly, and we knew we had to make some big decisions. Life was already so hard with one child in daycare, how would we manage with two? Would it even be worth it with my wage? But how could we afford to live on one income?

So, we decided to sell our house and move back to the main land.

Yup, while I was pregnant.

This was hands down the craziest and hardest thing I have experienced!!! But we would do it again in a heartbeat, knowing where it has landed us and how perfect our life is now.

So now I am a stay-at-home mom?

Yup, and I am all in.

When I was in university and when I was working, I honestly thought women who decided to stay at home were just lazy and unmotivated… I thought any woman who was able to, should be joining the workforce, and contributing to society, and not living off of her husband.

I thought women were the victims of the patriarchy and that we had to STICK IT TO THE MAN, and STORM THE WORKPLACE! WOMAN POWER!

I looked down on women who chose the stay at home, traditional lifestyle. I am ashamed to admit that.

I was used to being around such high powered women in the workforce, I didn’t realize that a high powered woman could be in the home, as well.

But, society teaches us from a young age.

What changed my mind?

I was straight up unhappy.

I had aaalllll the things in life. I was married. I had a son. I had a good job. We had a nice house. We had money. What else could we want, according to the world?

“What more do you want?……” would echo in the back of my mind, as I finished a bottle of wine in one night. As I racked up the credit card on Amazon. As I cried, and cried, wondering if this was all life had to offer… if this was what happiness was… if this was just “what everyone did”… that is, hard working, people….

Looking back on this, I see that it was pride that kept me there.

Pride that kept me working, that kept me away from my son 40 hours a week, and that forced me to cook dinner from the freezer every night because I was too tired to cook, and that drove me to alcohol every night just to numb the fact that I was absolutely and terribly just UNHAPPY.

I was putting in the work, I would think to myself.

I was being a strong woman, I would think to myself.

Pride kept me holding on to the woman I was before motherhood.

I refused to believe that motherhood would change me, in the way that it did.

And the more I suppressed it, and clung on to the woman I was before, the more depressed I got.

My depression got to a point where I was drinking every day, and arriving to a job that I once loved, hungover and miserable.

I was trying to kill this new me and drown her with alcohol and over-working.

It affected my mental health in a huge way.

I was desperate for my life to change.

This is when I started my instagram page, @bryanathatboymom. At this point i had about 450 followers. I can scroll back on this time in my life and see how depressed I was in my content. I shared about how hard it was to be working mom… and about how desperately I wanted to stay at home with my son.

My second pregnancy changed everything.

My second pregnancy was an accidentally-on-purpose pregnancy…

We were not trying for another baby.

But we were not preventing another one, either.

And by we, I mean me…. because my husband wanted to wait… but I was off birth control, and trying “natural family planning” – tracking my cycle, etc.

But, with my mental health in the state that it was, I was not careful enough.

And part of me desperately wanted another baby.

Looking back, I am not sure how much of it was carelessness, or self sabotage. But sure enough, one day those two pink lines appeared on that pregnancy test.

So, the news of my pregnancy was not happy news, at first.

But, it was a huge slap in the face REALITY CHECK that, holy sh*t, things have got to change around here.

My husband and I had to work on our marriage. We had to decide what we were going to do about our finances. We had to decide where we were going to live.

The future suddenly seemed very real, and it felt like a massive tidal wave coming our way.

More like a tsunami.

I had several health complications in the first trimester of that pregnancy. I was in and out of the hospital, I had a hemorrhage, and dropping hormone levels. We almost lost the baby.

Once I was healthy, and the baby too, I was able to clear my head.

I said one single prayer… “God, change our lives…”

And that weekend, once in a lifetime job opportunity came up for Nathan, and we decided that it was time to take it.

It would allow us to live closer to family. It would allow Nathan to make more money (waaaay more….). It would give him a better work schedule. And, it would allow me to be a stay at home mom.

The rest is history.

We are a year out of that now. Nathan just passed his one year anniversary at his new job. Our son Ryker turns one next month. We are almost one year in this new house, in this new town. A whole year since I have stepped foot on the island. A year of being a stay at home mom. And just over a year being on social media.

As I started to grow on social media, I felt the desire to be my more authentic self. The world is so crazy and divided right now, and I felt like I just wanted to find my “crew”. I wanted social media to be more enjoyable. I was tired about worrying about who I was going to offend, or who was going to unfollow, etc.

And, the natural progression of being my most authentic self, seemed to be to start a blog.

I was already starting to find a community on my page. So I wanted to offer them more than just the 7 second funny reels or 30 second vlogs that are on my Instagram page.

But, this blog is just as much for me as it is for you – my community.

Writing is an excellent outlet and has positive effects on mental health.

I am on a complicated journey of finding myself as a stay at home mom. After living a life that was the total opposite for so long, I literally have had to rewire my brain to allow myself to feel contentment, joy, and motivation while at home with my kids.

I never thought I could find my worth making beds and wiping butts.

But, here I am, happier and healthier than ever (22 months sober!) and ready to share, and to help other moms find their happiness along the way.

As I share more on this blog I will go into more detail on the why’s and how’s of social media and blogging. I will also share more about the absolute INSANITY that is moving while 9 months pregnant!!!!

I hope some of you resonated with my story on why I decided to be a stay at home mom, and how I started blogging and on social media.

As aways, you can find more of my story and everyday life on my instagram page @bryanathatboymom.