So… What about life now?

My last few posts have been a bit about my story, and my past.

But what about what now?

Surely that is what everyone is interested in.

Not everyone wants to know the “how” and “why” about who I am. They are more interested in who I am now, today, and what I can bring to the table, and offer to them in this moment.

Thats what readers are looking for, right?

I am a stay at home mom of two young boys.

My oldest, Oden, is 3 and a half years old. He is the absolute light of my life. I can’t even put into words how much becoming his mom has changed me.

My second, Ryker, is 11 and a half months old. He turns one in just two weeks. He is also the absolute light of my life. And, my life changed exponentially as soon as he came into existence – the day those two pink lines appeared on that pregnancy test, my life has never been the same.

I can’t believe I am about to be a mom of two toddlers.

For the longest time, I was a mom to just one baby – then a mom to a toddler and a baby. But now, I am about to have two toddlers. And my oldest is about to be a small CHILD. He is just a year and a bit away from kindergarten. My mind literally cannot fathom that.

Oden, my first born…

Odie is such an independent, quiet, “in his own head” kind of kid. That is, unless he isn’t. It is like he is never “in between” – he either is, or he isn’t. On days where he is, he plays quietly to himself with his toys and can entertain himself for hours. It is honestly impressive how long he can keep focused on one task. He is very into imaginative play right now. Or, I guess, more like imaginative “work” – his favourite games are pretending to mow the lawn, cut down trees, cut wood… basically anything that involves small machinery.

However, on days where he is not, he is glued to my side and is constantly begging for me to be a part of his imaginative games. He does magic tricks, pretends to cook me dinner, and plays hairdresser and doctor. He loves to follow along with his toy cleaning supplies and clean the house with me, or stand on his Montessori tower and help me cook or bake. It really is the sweetest thing.

The only problem, is that we both have a tendency to hyper-fixate on tasks and ideas.

And, we usually are not fixated on the same thing… LOL

Now that he is getting older he can really verbalize and express himself and I often feel like I am negotiating with a tiny little evil genius because more often than not, he ends up giving me quite the convincing argument and whatever I had intended to get done is put off for the time being.

There are days where this means the house is a mess, or no baking or meal preparation gets done, or I don’t get to spend any time for myself, and I would like to say “that is ok, because they are only little once…” But some times it really bothers me. And I still struggle with finding that balance, on spending quality time with him and completing what I need to do as a stay at home mom to ensure the house is running smoothly.

I also struggle extra with this because I know I have to put his desires second to the needs of the baby, and I know that this effects him negatively. But now that Ryker is getting older and less demaning, I can see this becoming less of an issue.

Ryker, the second baby…

Ryker, who is almost one year old, is as crazy and chaotic and sweet as everyone says your second child will be. This little boy blows my mind at how adventurous and fearless he is. And I think that mostly this is because Oden was the exact opposite – and still is. He was/is cautious, careful, and hesitant (which I actually learned is a sign of confidence in young children). Ryker, on the other hand, is willing to do anything and everything to keep up with his big brother and will always let his curiosity get the better of him.

Ryker hit his milestones a lot earlier than Oden did. I am not sure if it is a first child vs second child thing, or if it is just a character difference. But Ryker is almost walking now at 11 months old – Oden didn’t walk until 17 months.

He is also teething right now, way earlier than Odie as well. He has 3 on the bottom and is cutting 4 on the top right now. The last few days have been so rough on the poor guy.

But, like I said, Ryker is adventurous, and curious, and ohhh so sweet. But he absolutely loves to be held or cuddled at any opportunity. If he had it his way, he would be sleeping in our bed at night! He coslept in our bed with us until he was about 8 months old, when I was finally able to transition him (mostly) to his crib. It was just the only way I was going to be able to get enough sleep to function with a baby and a toddler.

He is learning to be more independent in a lot of ways, as well as sleep. He is figuring out how to entertain himself with toys, and he is mobile enough that he an explore the house or the yard himself. And we have both areas very well baby proofed for this reason. We believe letting him explore will build confidence.

His favourite types of games right now are “cause and effect” games – whether it be pushing a button to play music or see lights, or a game where if he pokes Mom on the lips she blows a raspberry at him. He could play these types of games just over and over again, he really just laughs and laughs and I can see him learning so much in that tiny baby brain of his.

Being a mom of two…

I struggle sometimes with dividing my attention equally between the two of them. I know it is not possible, as a baby has greater needs than a toddler, and there are just days where one may need more of me than the other. It honestly makes me wonder how people can possibly have more than 2 or 3 kids. But, I guess it is all subjective, because when I just had one I couldn’t imagine giving ANY time at all to another baby!

I am a wife.

My husband and I have been married for almost four and a half years, and together for eight years. I could write a whole other blog post about our relationship (and I probably will lol) and how much I changed as a person because of it. People say you should not change for anyone. I think that is false. If someone knows you can be your best self, and there are obvious improvements you can make to yourself, then I think you owe it to them to make those changes. Or you can only blame yourself if they don’t stick around. But, like I said, another post for another time…

My husband currently works shift work, 4 days on and 3 off. This means he gets every weekend plus Fridays off. But, he is working from 6:00am until 6 almost 7:00 at night some nights. So, while this schedule offers a wage high enough that I can be a stay at home mom, it also means that in a lot of ways I have become the default parent.

And, I am honestly okay with that.

I don’t know if it’s because, when I was a working mom, I yearned for this opportunity so so so bad. But, I honestly feel like I am so privileged to be able to be a stay at home mom, even if it means I am “on the job” literally 24/7.

We have expectations on roles and tasks for around the house and for parenting laid out pretty clearly, with most of them like I said falling on me. But, what I also get with that, is a lot of freedom. A lot of freedom with how I spend the time with the kids, the activities we do, when we leave the house, and honestly a lot of financial freedom as well.

I think having these expectations and benefits laid out has been such a benefit to our marriage. When I was working, it was a constant of battle of who was doing what, who was doing more, etc.

At this point in our lives I think our marriage is the healthiest it has been. We have made so many improvements to our relationship and our health, mentally and physically. We are learning to put each other first and our little family.

Social media and blogging…

So, if I wanted to be a stay at home mom so bad, why am I working so hard at social media and blogging? Why don’t I just go back to work?

Well, I am lucky enough to have a hard working husband who has provided our family with a financial situation where I don’t have to go back to work…. ever, if I don’t want to.

That aside, the benefits of being at home are unparalleled. If I ever went back to work, I think I would really look for something that was work from home. I just don’t see another way to do it when you have kids. Hustling everyone out of the house every morning and only getting a few hours together each night just does not seem worth it, to me.

Above all, this is something that I enjoy doing, and the only pressures that I face are pressures that I place on myself. I can choose whether or not to show up online that day. I don’t have to call in sick to my followers or subscribers – I don’t have to ask for vacation time. I choose what takes priority on any given day – not just someone who signs my paycheque.

Social media and blogging has become something I can apply some of my practical skills to, such as organization, writing, and strategic thought – but it is also just something fun. You can make real connections online, and by showing up online every day there is an opportunity to keep in touch with friends and family.

All of that being said, it is sooooo easy to get sucked into the online world, in your screens. You have to constantly be intentional with your time and the energy you place into posting and engaging online. Otherwise it is way too easy to just stare at your screen and ignore what is right in front of you. Way too often, I realize that my kids see me on my phone looking at something that could easily wait till later. So that is something that I am constantly working on.

So, those are the three main things in my life.

My family. And my main hobby/hustle. As time goes on I will be able to paint a better picture of who I am and how I live my life. But I can’t write it all in one blog post. You need some reason to stick around!!

As always, you can catch me posting daily on my instagram, @bryanathatboymom.