Let’s expand on this a little…

Let’s get to know me a little better to give you a better perspective.

I think it is only fair that if I am going to start sharing about myself, and my life, and my opinions, whether in this blog or on my Instagram page, @bryanathatboymom, it is probably fair that I divulge a little background so that there are less judgments and assumptions. Not that they would be all bad, but probably best to avoid all together if I can…

First of all, I am a total millennial. Born right smack in the middle. 1994. That means that I turned 30 this year. That in itself is probably going to be a whole other blog post!

That means I am typing this on my laptop computer, because it is a bLoG. A “big type job”. So therefore I require my big screen and my big keyboard. I just can’t bring myself to write a blog post on my phone! Lol! Although I do have the app downloaded to do so, should inspiration hit.

Now, let’s start at the beginning…

Okay, so I won’t give you my entire life story.

Just the relevant parts… and how they apply to my life today…

I grew up in a family of six… Mom, Dad, twin sister, me, little sister, little brother. Parents were young when they started their family – 20 and 21 years old.

I won’t go too much into my childhood or my parents’ parenting style (in this post), as I don’t think that is super relevant to my life today (but boy it sure was in my late teens and twenties…)

I grew up in a Christian household – Southern Baptist to be specific. We started at a small house church, planted by a family from Georgia, USA. I grew up in BC, Canada, so that is how a Southern Baptist church made it there, I guess.

So the church of like 10 people slowly grew over the years, and grew to a hundred, or a few hundred maybe? So still quite small. And a lot of the original families stayed in the church over the years. I was a part of this church from when I was a child until I was 18 or so.

Now, I was a very shy, but observant child. And I remember a lot of the lessons taught at that church revolved around ministry and spreading the gospel. Which, made sense, since the founding family of that church were essentially missionaries.

As an already quiet, shy, and somewhat insecure child, having these types of lessons gave me a level of anxiey that made me feel like I was constantly in “fight or flight” mode. Heart pounding, ears ringing, palms sweaty, pit in my stomach. I was way too shy and ill equipped to take on that type of task as a child. They put a child in charge of the salvation of the world. From a young age I started to associate Christianity with anxiety.

Who tells a 9 year old that they are going to go to Hell if they don’t do xyz?

They didn’t teach a small child the tools to be their best, most confident self, and to serve God with their strengths, but instead taught that their salvation was dependent on their actions. No matter what. And I still feel sick when I think of how I felt at that age.

The worst part, is I would receive these types of lessons from the men and women who would volunteer for the Sunday School.

But, it was a small church. And I was not dumb.

I heard the gossip.

I knew the Pastor was cheating on his wife with another woman in the congregation. I knew the youth pastor was gay. I knew who had money, and who didn’t. I knew which families were ostracized, and what people said behind their backs, yet I saw everyone else be kind and loving to their faces.

I saw the hypocrisy.

I also went to a private Christian school. And I saw the same things happening there.

I saw the families with the most money, get the best treatment.

There were cliques everywhere.

So, when my parents decided to put me in a public high school, I think that is when I felt the most liberated.

I turned as far away from Christianity and the Church as I could.

And, combine that with poor decision making skills (a story to also come for another time on why that was), I started a long journey of self destruction, in an effort to find myself.

So, there is an important piece of background information.

So, considering that piece of background information I just shared with you, it is probably obvious that, anything the Church taught me, as an adult, I believed the opposite.

I was a raging, left wing liberal, for over ten years. And, it wasn’t just for the sake of it. I truly believed it.

It felt so good to be aligned with the world, and the mainstream media.

But, as I adopted the values of the world, I struggled.

I was addicted to alcohol, and pretty close to that level with drugs. I partied all the time. I had toxic relationships, I was depressed. And my anxiety was at an all time high.

But I self medicated with drugs and alcohol.

But there was something inside me that kept trying for a different life.

No matter how much I partied, or how broke I was, or how miserable I was, something inside me kept going, and I was able to hold a job and finish college.

I was going through the motions, but I did it.

Here is Part 2 of “relevant background information”…

At the age of 22 I met my husband. I was just finishing college, was working, and still partying.

But meeting him, and falling head over heels, ignited another “drive” in me.

I knew a life with him was what I wanted.

But how could I? When I was still partying, doing drugs, and hooking up with random guys?

I knew I wanted something more in life.

I have never worked harder at anything in my life than when I worked on myself during the first few years of my relationship with him. I went to therapy, I started medication (which I am still on today), I cut off toxic friends. I completely changed my life.

But, I kept drinking. I stopped the drugs and the partying, but I kept drinking.

My journey with alcohol is yet another blog post for another time. I am currently sober. I am happy to tell that story one time.

How is all of that relevant to my life today?

Well, the world today is divided.

If you are left, you are hated by the right. If you are right, you are hated by the left. If you are somewhere inbetween (me right now), you are hated by both.

When I lived my life wholly on the left, it felt so good to be included and a part of the cool kids. I had the media on my side. Anyone who disagreed with me, and had conservative values, was just bratty, unintelligent, and digging their heels in, refusing to believe in the progressive. The world is changing! You have to change with it!

But, like many others, this began to change in 2020.

Now, when the P first started, I ate up everything that was fed to me by the media. I ATE IT UP. My friends and family who disagreed, were idiots.

I realize now, that they were the critical thinkers.

It was during the C years that I saw the inconsistencies in the logic of the left.

That, if you believe the best thing is change, then you really believe in nothing, you only believe what you are told.

That, there was an obvious double standard. For example, the small businesses suffered and closed, while the big corporations thrived. THRIVED. They made BILLIONS.

That, you can’t go see your granny for Christmas dinner, or go see your grandfather dying in the hospital, about to take his last breath, and you had to give birth masked and alone (y’all, a friend of mine was forced to MISCARRY HER 20-WEEK BABY, ALONE, WHILE HER HUSBAND WAITED IN THE CAR) – But if you want to go boxing day shopping with hundreds of other people, you are allowed.

The inconsistencies piled up.

And life was getting a lot worse, for a lot of people.

In my obsession with feeling validated, and a part of the world, I actually became a part of the problem.

Over these years, you saw friends and families break apart, people’s livelihoods destroyed.

The media pushed divisive topic after divisive topic at us.

Covid. Racism. Sexism. Feminism. Gender theory. Religion. Abortion. Firearms. They radicalized EVERYONE.

And we all chose sides.

I started to see the destruction.

The left claimed to want to make life better for people. Wanted INCLUSION, and EQUITY…

But all I could see, was life getting worse.

I could see that the media was leveraging this desire for a better life, for equality, and somehow was able to use this desire in people to make them more hateful, and more divided, than ever.

Now, of no will of my own, my mind began to change.

Things I once believed, I realized were wrong.

Now, to be clear, I never DIDN’T believe in kindness, love, equality, etc.

But, I think those qualities already existed in the world. With the exceptions, of course.

But, people became obsessed with the exceptions, and not the “rules”.

“There is racial/sexual/gender freedom in this country, but my cousin’s friend was discriminated against, therefore this country is now racist/sexist/homophobic/transphobic”.

When in reality, all of those characteristics were already protected under LAW.

The exceptions became the rule.

The pendulum swung HARD.

You are lying if you didn’t see it too.

And, if you didn’t start to question things….

When will you draw the line in the sand?

What will it take to make you question what is happening in this world?

Now, to wrap this up…

All of this to say, is my opinions are changing.

Now, I did not wake up a right-wing, conservative extremist, and order my red MAGA hat.

But, I am opening up to a lot more conservative ideas.

I am coming back to God.

So, that is why a lot of what I share on my page, may seem inconsistent, and some of you still on the “Left” may disagree with me, and wonder why I am suddenly changing my ideas. I am exploring things in REAL TIME.

Cause truthfully, a lot of people I met and are friends with, I met during my liberal years.

This brings me a lot of anxiety.

I am constantly worried that the friends I made during those years will decide to not be friends with me anymore because of my changing beliefs.

Even though, I know I am no radical, it is not like because I am becoming more conservative, that I am suddenly a bigoted, sexist, racist.

But, the way the media portrays conservatism, that is what everyone thinks.

It is tragic.

I think in reality, a lot of people have similar stories to mine, but are afraid to speak up.

These are crazy times we’re living in, y’all.

If you are my friend, I love you no matter what you believe.

If I think you are wrong, I will never say so, because I respect you too much.

I know, if you are ready to change your mind, you will start it on your own, you don’t need me shoving anything down your throat.

But, I hope that kindness can be returned, as I explore my identity and beliefs in real time, and share what I do on my page and on this blog.

Here’s to being messy and unhinged!

As always, find me on my page….. @bryanathatboymom.